Friday, December 23, 2011
Does anyone else ever feel like they're truly going crazy?
So, I've always been one to worry over little things. (My mom called me a 'worry wart' since I can remember.) As I got older I started getting stressed more & more easily. In high school I remember being extremely anxious when it came to being around a large amount of people & I would get very anxious/stressed over things that should've only been slightly uncomfortable. Instead, these situations were almost unbearable for me. Fast forward a few years, I was 21 & the mother to 2 very young children. I divorced their biological father 2 years ago due to his lack of concern for us & more for drugs. (That's a whole other story) I was working 50+ hours a week as a manager of a restaurant while trying to raise the kids alone. It got to the point where my hair was falling out, I lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks & my eye would twitch b/c I was so stressed. I ended up demoting myself to try to take some of the stress away. Fast forward to now, I'm about to be 24. My kids are now almost 4 & 6. I am engaged to a great guy who let me stop working to spend time with my girls while they're still young. Although I don't work to earn a paycheck, I do everything around the house & get my daughter to school & practices & the other to meetings preparing her for knd. I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & Social Anxiety Disorder. I was prescribed Cymbalta for the FMA & Klonopin for the SAD. Bother have helped a lot but I still get so incredibly anxious that I seriously feel like I'm literally going insane. My doctor said that's normal during a panic attack, which I have sometimes.) And as much as I know the feeling will p, it still makes me feel hopeless, like by the time I'm in my 40s or 50s I'll be a complete mental mess & be sent to the nut house. Don't get me wrong, dealing with my ex being a dead beat dad, raising 2 young kids, financial worries & everyday stresses is tough but I feel like I'm a wuss & not mentally strong enough. I know somewhere inside I'm a tough women & have dealt with many of lifes blows & come out on top but I feel like it's all finally become to much. So my actual question is, does anyone else have an anxiety disorder and/or feel like this ever? I know I'm not the only one & would appreciate any advice to maybe help. I just want to be happy with my sweet babies & my fiancee. It's to the point he can barely handle me when I'm super anxious & it's hurting our relationship. Any advice/personal experience is appreciated.
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